Always On My Mind
by Scifiroots
Summary: A little insight on TaikiStarMaker as she waits for the revealation of Kakyuuhime.


Always On My Mind

January 2, 2001

By Lionna Mouri

                lionna@execpc.com

A Taiki / Maker P.O.V. story

 It was too loud inside, for my tastes, and I had left the apartment where the tension and emotions hung thickly in the air, dragging my limbs down until I could hardly move. I had tried to write, but the words wouldn't flow; and I had attempted to pick out miscellaneous notes on my guitar, but they turned sour as I heard my companions debate over a common subject.

With my head aching, I stood and walked out the front door, not paying attention as the other two ran up behind me.

"Where is he…?"

"No, hold on. Let him go." 

I walked down the lighted city streets, wishing that I could see the stars more clearly. It was too bright with artificial light to be able to see anything. All I wanted was the stars… to see if the princess was watching us, laughing lightly as she saw us yet we did not see her. And that was the most frustrating of all; not seeing her or coming close to her. For the first time in what seemed like years (probably a year by then) I had caught a faint feeling of her. 

Her smell… the sweet, unique smell that no one could copy. Only her smell… Princess. I closed my eyes and paused momentarily on the sidewalk. Silently I prayed that she would come and relieve us of our fake lives on this planet. At least, fake for me.

The others seemed to be adjusting well; Fighter and Healer easily living their double lives. But I did not have that sort of ability… I couldn't focus on anything other than what I knew. This place didn't make sense at all, to me, and the people there were different enough to make me realize every minute that I was not home. Home… what was that word, anyhow? A planet where I had been from was Kinmoku-sei… but that was sucked dry by Galaxia's hands. The princess had fled from there and there was nothing left at that place.

It could not be home. According to the people of Earth, home was with family and love… where you felt warmth and accepted. Then I had no home. There wasn't anywhere that I could be accepted or loved. I would never allow someone to do that; to be so close. I… had already been hurt too much, once. A long time ago when I was still ignorant and innocent.

I was surprised to find such ignorance in the senshi of Earth, how little they knew and understood at this point in their lives. It didn't seem so impossible, anymore, that the silly schoolgirls—our class mates—were the senshi. It didn't seem all that odd because they did act quite the same; attacking and reacting only when they chose to yet did not think things out to their fullest. They weren't skilled enough to protect their own planet, which forced us to step in and help them with it.

How could they be so weak, to not even be able to defeat a phage easily? If they had so much trouble now, I didn't want to see how they were when Galaxia appeared and attacked with her own powers. That time was coming, her power would soon dawn on us all and blind us with its pure brightness and strength. 

This planet would be taken down and torn apart within the talons of the golden senshi. She would be ruthless, as she had been on Kinmoku. This blue and green sphere would darken and decay, falling away with nothing left. If there was anyone to be left standing I knew it would be me. I would be the very last… not because of strength, not at all. I would be left because if I attacked I would do no damage and would be cast to the side and forgotten and so I would watch everything play out before my eyes while I could do nothing.

And I would see them all slip away because they couldn't fight… damn them for not being able to fight and protect themselves! Damn that idiotic girl that was more ignorant than one half her age! Damn her for keeping her innocence while fighting for so long! Damn me for not being strong enough to help…

When I paid attention to my surroundings once again, I realized that I had entered the park and was sitting on the shore beside the lagoon. Here the lights still shone, but with less force and some of the stars were actually visible. Seeing the pinpricks of light reminded me of what seemed an endless journey as I traveled with my companions to this foreign planet where none of us knew what was going to happen.

"Why?" I whispered. "Why did you have to leave us? Why do you still hide now!" I moved onto my knees, tearing into the grass beneath my hands as tears slowly flowed down my face. "Why do you avoid us? Princess… where are you?"

We couldn't keep this up forever, even if we wanted to. We were so popular and we began doing more than was necessary for our mission. Only the princess was supposed to be contacted, she was the only one we needed. Where was she? 

Why wouldn't she just appear…?

The water's surface rippled as a fish leaped through the air and then back into its watery home. Wearily I eyed the lagoon, where the stars were mirrored with the other unnatural lights of the city. 

"Kakyuu-hime…" I murmured, shoulders settling from their tensed position. There was nothing I could do at this point, not on my own. If only the Earth senshi were not complicating things… They distracted us too much, always getting in the way as they tried to talk to one of us or try to 'help' us. That girl, Tsukino Usagi—Sailor Moon—was distracting Fighter too much. If Fighter could not call out to the princess with all her heart then Kakyuu would never appear! I had thought Fighter understood that, having taken the lead of our small group; yet she allowed herself to be taken in by a little, ignorant Earth girl who didn't seem to grasp this whole situation.

That girl… so innocent, much too innocent to be fighting in the battles that were ahead. She would never make it and if she did, she would be scarred too deeply within her soul, heart, and mind to ever have it erased. 

"Are you ready to come back yet?"

I turned my head at the voice, surprised that they were out there with me. "You followed me?"

"No, we spent a long time trying to find you when you didn't come back right away." Healer, in the Earth guise of Yaten, moved towards me and sat with his knees to his chest. "You know, it would do some good to open up and talk a bit. We've lived through as much as you have."

Studying my companion's figure, I noted how he seemed outlined with a silver aura to match with his hair. What he said… was right, I guessed, but what I felt could not be put into words. I could write, but I was not one to open up or talk to someone. 

As silence ranged on, Fighter—as Seiya—moved to kneel down behind me and slowly began rubbing the knots in my neck. "Maker, we have to keep trying… she's out there, somewhere. I know she will come soon. Let's keep trying, we can get her back."

"Can we?" I murmured softly, rubbing a palm over my eyes. "It's been so long…"

"Don't tell me you're giving up!" Yaten glared daggers at me, light green eyes flicking with determination. "I won't allow you to give up, not when we've waited so long and come so far! I just… I just can't stop now! There must be a way to find her! She must be here!"

I bowed my head, eyes closed. "She _is here… I felt it…" I whispered. "I'm not giving up, Healer, but I don't have as much hope." I lifted my gaze up to the sky and to the moon. "I wish they would stay out of our way." There was no question as to who 'they' were, it had long ago been established to be the Earth senshi._

"They think they're helping…" Seiya replied softly, "but they haven't lived what we have. Maker, Healer, remember that we have dealt with more than they have; we have dealt with more than we should have had to deal with. Perhaps we would be like them if what we have been through hadn't happened."

Yaten turned away, a scowl on his lips. "You trust them too much. I don't count on them ever to understand!"

"They aren't at all prepared and can never be. They are the ones who will be torn apart in this battle," I said bitterly. "And we… we will be the last here to face the destruction of this place."

I felt the pressure of Seiya's hand on my shoulder and looked back. He tightened his grip in reassurance, briefly, and then smiled faintly. "Don't worry about them. I have felt that they can handle it if they must. We can worry about ourselves and be alright not having to think about them."

"Seiya?" Yaten asked, blinking.

"Let's go home," was all the other answered.

I blinked, slightly confused as I voiced a question I had thought earlier. "Where is home for us?"

Yaten and I stood, facing Seiya as we awaited the answer. His deep blue eyes gazed at us with the look that truly was worthy of our leader. "Our home is where we feel most comfortable. To me, that is with you."

I slowly smiled, realizing that he was right. Yes, where I could find myself was with them… I had been wrong, I was loved with them, with companions I had known my entire life and would hope to always know. 

As we strolled back to the apartment, Yaten opened his mouth for a comment, "You sure you don't feel more comfortable about the odango-ed one and that she's not your home?"

Seiya spurted, surprised at the comment—as was I. Yaten chuckled and ran on ahead, making faces back at us. I watched as Seiya glared and then chased after. With a smile creeping onto my face, I followed, remembering the days that we could always act so carefree and wishing that they were back here.

**~ * ~ * ~ Owari ~ * ~ * ~**

**Author's notes: I wanted to do something from Taiki / Maker's view so here it is ^_^ not quite what I wanted… but it's okay for now. **


End file.
